The recent new year celebration was a special one for me. This was so as it was the last new year celebration before I step squarely into my thirties. Therefore, apart from enjoying myself with friends during that period, spending some time in contemplation of my past 30 years was well justified.
Walking down the memory lane, it is indeed fortunate that my recollection of the past is filled with a great number of ups but safe to say also a corresponding no of downs. There was a time that I rode on with vigor, at the helm of self-satisfaction (ooohh the lights from heaven must have shone on me then) but there was also a time that I slothed and the feeling of apathy took over me to the extent that I lived life like a street mouse.
The constant ups and downs then, resembled a vicious cycle that could probably cause a person lethargic and subsequently become disinterest in life. Indeed, too numerous time, while I was basking myself in joy, sorrow crept silently behind my back and took me by surprise. On the other hand, while tormented by distress, the light of hope always lingered behind the veil of darkness. When distress finally had had enough of me, the light of joy again shone forth. Darkness retreated. Too many times the process repeated by itself, reinforcing the impermanence of joy as well as pain.
A recent visit to Batu Caves, it brought back an old teaching of Hinduism that a Hindu saddhu shared with me, that life is just like a drama. The nature of life is no different from the TV program you watch every night. Such a statement was incomprehensible to me back then. But gradually it is making sense. Hell lots of sense.
Be it joy or pain, it arises due to external phenomena which is not certainly controllable by us. Therefore we are mainly actors. We act out in accordance to the whim and fancy of the director. And who is the director? - The Reality / The Nature / The Unnamed. For instance, I was in cloud 9 when I was rewarded with a 6 months bonus 2 yrs ago. While putting in effort had a certain contribution towards the realization of this event, the ultimate deciding factor is beyond my control i.e. my boss then. Therefore, joy or pain is just our emotion in response to the external events that permeate our senses. Joy or pain does not exist by themselves. They do not have nature of their own, their existence depends on our responses to the external events. And our responses are determined by our experiences. Ultimately our experiences are influenced by our wisdom.
Therefore, isn't it time to understand the great mother nature by seeing things as they are, by seeing joy or pain as they are - merely emotion, which do not have any permanent nature? Here it comes, there it goes. It comes uninvited, it goes unprompted.
Only then we can put away our actors' role and break the vicious cycle - the circle of life.
